Limericks by the Arnolds

An unusual fellow named Greer Liked to deficate in his own ear. A great pain in his skull Convinced him it was full, So now he just pees in his beer. ---RLA	A wondrous thing is the moose, Though his antlers appear to be loose. His organic droppings Make good garden toppings And we're glad he can't fly like a goose. ---TA
Supposed to be hotter than hell, So I expect my ankles to swell, With Autumn so near, And a cooler of beer, I guess I will handle this well. ---RLA	There's a neighbor next door to me, Who has a backhoe and chainsaw, you see, I called DES, He got mad, I guess, But I told him to go pee up a tree. ---RLA
It's sunny out today, So I think I'll go out and play, When noontime is near, I'll crack me a beer, And to my Dad say "HEY!" . ---RLA	"The mushrooms are up from the ground", Said the big lazy fat brown hound, "Too bad that I shat, On it's shiny white cap", And he ran to the river and drowned. boo-hoo. ---RLA
There once was a beautiful heron, A Mini- skirt he was wearin', He had large gams, The size of two lambs, And quite a rack he was bearin'. --RLA	An old grumpy Frenchman named Pierre Had the most unusual hair. Not the normal grey hue; His was bright greenish blue. Many people would say "C'est le gare". --TA
A portly but kind hearted lass Ate too much and became a great mass. When her buttocks did shake, The earth it would quake, Took two trips for her just to haul ass. ---TA	I turned on the TV today; The bad news just won't go away. Like an message from heaven, Grabbed my three fifty seven, And blew the old Zenith away. ---TA
Irresponsible Dubya Bush Is foolishly trying to push A military attack On the folks of Iraq. His brains are all in his tush. --TA	I sat by the Rabbi at tea. He asked "Do you pray when you pee ?" I replied with some wit; "Do you chant when you s*** ?" And silently laughed in my glee. --TA
Mon pere, il parle la francais, Toujours le soir et la day, Je parle juste en peu, Depius une en deux, Parse que Je ne comprende pas la parlez. -- RL Arnold	A tonal deaf Scotsman named Milt Came quite close to nearly being kilt His bad songs on the pipes Caused complaints, boos, and gripes And the bluebells of Scotland to wilt. ---TA
I knew a Scotsman named Barney, Who looked a lot like Art Carney, He sure loved his sheep, Awake or asleep, I tell you now, that's no blarney. - unanimous poet	The time to drink beer is soon, Who gives a sh** if it's noon, I can drink early or late, Cause I'm now thirty eight, In fact I'll have a Blue Moon!! ---RLA---
There was a man who liked pickles, He often shared with Don Rickles, He'd eat them in his car, The dill would spill from the jar, Now when he sits down it tickles. - Clan of the Cave Bear	Roses are red Violets are purple I like my pancakes With maple surple. . ---TA---
I asked the dry cleaner "per chance, Can you get this stain out of my pants". When he asked "what is it ?" I replied "it's just s***". Your bowels shouldn't move when you dance". --TA	Trapped in brairs in the woods of Dundee, A leprechaun called out to me. "An eternal stout If you help get me out". "Make it two and I'll soon set you free". . ---TA---
Leo got uponto his John Deere, Eating a cracker and sucking a beer, "They empty so soon, I need a Blue Moon", Oh why isn't Robin more near?" --- "I'm hear", Robin said when he called, "Get me a beer bitch" He yawled, She inflicted some pain, He now needs Rogaine, Because he is totally bald. --- So he wears his Deere hat with pride, Knowing there is no hair inside, A lesson he learned, And the tables they turned, And all the beer went for a ride. ---RLA	The poo that was there. was covered on hair. So I gave it a kick, and it gave my foot a lick. --- Poo it was not. It wasn't starting to rot. It was a big ol' bear. Giving me a nasty stare. --- The poo was in my pants as I started to dance. The bear took off running which I thought was funny. And left my pants for the ants. . . ---NEA
A prostitute under great stress Went to church to repent and get blessed Pastor Jones made a pass At the self-employed lass She said "cash or American Express ?" ---TA	Buster was a dog that was yellow, Who belonged to a crazy old fellow, His toys they were queer, They were kept soaked in beer, And that helped keep Buster mellow RL Arnold
To a vous in the mountains I go, I'll be glad if it doesn't snow, I'll pack up my muzzle, Follow that with a guzzle, And watch all the gunpowder blow. ...mushroomgoddess	To the roundevouz northward we went We cooked outside and slept in a tent. We had but one fear That we would run out of beer So all our money on Blue Moon was spent. ---tumbleweedtom

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