| New Hardware Announcement |
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A new low-cost, extremely slow speed line of hardware modules has been announced by CDP. Speaking from their West Coast office high atop the landfill in beautiful downtown Burbank, General Manager K. C. Stenkall and Chief Design Engineer Evin McParity stated that CDP was here to stay and would remain a leader in a fast growing market dealing with economical data processing hardware. |
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Top of the new product line is an extensive selection of bronze stove bolts, which are the heart of a new memory system. The memory, believed to be much faster that the previous system which used clothes pins and relays, is a tunable, variable Q magnetic memory. The stove bolts, which are inserted into magnetic core apertures determine the switching speed of a specific memory system. CDP marketing experts are predicting high volume sales for the new memory system, which range in size from 2 "BITS" (Bolt Is Turned Sideways) to 4 K (Kelvinator). |
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Also announced in the new product line: the ADG, an Ambiguous Data Generator which is the key to CDP's unique RASCAL, the Random And Spurious Checking Algorythms Logic feature. CCC, Corrugated Chip Circuitry uses a little known before now method of storing information on a potato chip in the form of salted starch deposits. The chip circuits are available in either saturated or poly-unsaturated states. An optional feature is Digitally Ionized Particles (DIP) which enhances the operation of the CCC and provides some taste to a somewhat shakey system.... |
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And finally, EEL, Electronic Emulation by Lightening, a system wherein an added hardware attachment is made available to the customer who occasionally requires increased input power to his system. The EEL feature is said to work best during inclement weather conditions. CDP officials are remaining closed-mouth about the actual operation of this feature but did admit that it involved the Franklin principle which is the KEY to the concept. However when asked for more information "Go fly a kite" was the immediate response. |
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Future products to be flushed out of the engineering tubes include:
R O M, Random Operation Memory; P R O M, Partly Readable Oscilating Memory (for secure data storage) and FCS; Firefly Communication System;----- This is a variable rate parallel data communications system, the heart of which is squadrons of highly trained Fireflys flying in either 6 or 8 bit patterns over light detecting Frogs which are trained to croak when they eat. (There are still some bugs to be worked out of this system). |